Recipes

Mother: Oh no, my recipe is much thinner, I don't use that, my recipe is religious, you know.
Grown daughter: I thought you did use it!
Mother: No, the secret is the mayonnaise.

Expertise

My friend was really shocked that I was able to name the breed of his dog because it's such a rare breed. Then again, he didn't know how to spell "G.I. Joe."

Bugs already!

Girl: There's a mosquito in my apartment!
Guy: Did it bite you?
Girl: No, I just noticed a black spot on my wall where there shouldn't be one.
Guy: Did you kill it?
Girl: No, I'm looking for something to kill it, it's up high on the wall.
Guy: I recommend using a chair then.
Girl: That'll leave a dent...

And We're LIVE in 3...2..

Doing a LIVE radio broadcast can force a person to think very quickly and make up new words on the spur of the moment, like--

Categoristics.

You heard it here first, folks. (Unless, of course, you were listening to the same radio show I was, then you heard it there first.)

Oxymoron of the Day:

Tempting tofu.

Vacation locations?

Guy #1: You know, Missouri is like the Tijuana of Iowa.
Guy #2: (in spanish accent) We got yo fireworks, we got casinos.

Ummm... yeah

I'd say that Monty Python ranks right up there with Red Green.