That's an odd picture

I wish I could turn my head around 180 degrees... and bend my elbow backwards.

Historical Accuracy

Guy: I'm looking at this half-dollar coin, with Kennedy's head on it, missing a bullet hole.
(a minute later) Well, I guess it would be on the other side, so it's not really missing, you just can't see it.
(another minute later) I guess I could take a drill and fix that.
(yet another minute later) Come to think of it, Lincoln is missing a hole, too.

Out of the Primordial Ooze...

Evolution is REAL! I opened the dryer, and one of the towels was already perfectly folded!

Walmart Lady: What is left in the breakroom?
Radio: Uh, a pop, and a dead body.
Walmart Lady: Oh, that's mine!
Radio: We were wondering who left it in here.



(not sure if that is what was said, but that is what came over the radio)

Kids..

Woman on the phone: They are just naughty whenever I take them out in public! She insists on calling everyone "potty pants". Everyone! And she won't stop for a minute.

WHERE?

Guy on the phone: I'm in Iowa, you know, next to Chicago...

Soooo at work

Guy walking through the mall, talking on cell phone: "Yeah, I'm sitting here at my desk, finishing up some emails..."

One small step for man...

guy: Did you watch the rocket and it's payload blast off this morning? It looked sort of like a giant tampon. You won't think that though, because you actually use them and know what they look like.

From CSN Radio--

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig likes it!
--Skip Heitzig

New Fears

Guy: Nothing scares me.
Girl: Oh yeah? I'll go grab candy, and dangle it in front of my face and see what you say then!
Guy: That's scarey.

Define perfectionist...

It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be a certain way.

The Big Screen

Girl 1: We went to the movies last weekend.
Girl 2: What did you see?
Girl 1: Brokeback Mountain.
Guy: and Memiors of a GAYsha!

Faces

Gay 1: What's wrong?
Girl: Nothing's wrong.
Gay 1: No, what is wrong, why are you making that face?
Gay 2: Nothing is wrong. That's the face Taylor always has.

You shouldn't say that in mixed company

Come here, I'm gonna butter your tail.

I've gone to sleep with happier thoughts 2...

Just you wait, when you go to sleep tonight I'm gonna stick an attenna up your nose!

I've gone to sleep with happier thoughts...

I'm going to kill you. In your sleep.

Mm-mm... yuck

You taste like pickles. Go brush your teeth.

Quote for the new year

My bell peppers are wet noodlish, which is the way I prefer them.