Apartments are disgusting

a.k.a. What was found on the kitchen cupboard

"hmm.. I think it's a boogar."

Movies...

Guy to roommate: I rented Goodnight and Goodluck - whatever the hell that is.

from beyond?

Guy 1: Hey isn't he dead?
Guy 2: No, not anymore.

Pukey

Girl: I feel pukey. The idea of a hamburger appeals to me, but then I start to think about eating it and I want to puke.
Guy: I'll just put one in the blender and make it into a drink for you.

"Can I help you?" -- Take #2

Same guy (as in the story below), different store, different day...

Customer walks into a department store.
Sales Associate: "Can I help you?"
Customer: "I'd like to see a stopwatch."
Sales Associate gets stopwatch out of the counter and shows it to Customer.
Customer looks at the stopwatch, notices it is broken, and tells Associate about it.
Sales Associate gets out another stopwatch.
Customer: "This one is broken, too."
Sales Associate gets out the 3rd and final stopwatch.
Customer: "This one is broken, too."
Sales Associate: "This is all we have. Do you want to buy one or not?"

The 4 scariest words in America: "Can I help you?"

Guy #1 goes into Brand X Drug Store to get a battery, and from behind sales counter a girl (about 20) says: "Can I help you?"
Guy #1 says: "I need a new battery like this," (and hands her a small battery)
Girl #1 starts looking for battery numbers on boxes, and finally picks out a battery about the size of a watch and tries to verify number on actual battery.
Guy #1, notices she is looking intently at battery the size of a watch and says: "I don't think that's the one."
Meanwhile another customer comes up and needs to buy some things, and she excuses herself to help the second guy.
Guy #2 says: "These things are on sale, aren't they?"
Girl #1 says: "Yes," and rings them up, and then says: "You know, we had a really good sale on gum last week, and I bought a lot of gum, a WHOLE LOT of gum! And you know when I got home, I realized that I don't even like gum. I don't know what I'm going to do with ALL that gum, and I bought a L O T of gum."
Guy #1 is still standing, waiting, and walks back up to counter as she continues to say "a whole lot of gum" and she looks up at Guy #1 and says: "Can I help you?"
Guy #1, dismayed that she doesn't remember him, says: "Yeah, you know that battery in your hand? That’s mine!"
Girl #1: "Oh yeah….I'm not very good at picking out batteries…You should try Brand Z Drug Store... They have a lot more batteries."
Guy #1 goes to Brand Z Drug Store.
Girl #2 (standing about 5 feet away) says: "Can I help you?"
Guy #1 sets his battery on the counter.
Girl #2, without looking at battery, says: "How many do you want?"
Guy #1: "Three."
Girl #2 turns around, gets 3 batteries from a drawer, and says: "That will be $9.21."
Guy #1: "How did you know the battery number?"
Girl #2 smiles and says: "I have been doing this for 30 years."

next to the Louis Batton

Woman who thought she was better than all others: Where's your Duty and Burke section?