Consider the Source

Girl watching Olympic speed skating: "Wow. This is boring... and I watch NASCAR."

Compliments

Guy: I really like your ears, the way they stick out, I mean. They're rather elfish, that's cool.

Guy: Your one ear isn't shining in this picture, it's mostly covered by your hair.

The OTHER white meat

Check-out lady: (as she rings up my ground pork) That's some might fancy hamburger you got there!

(yes, she actually said "mighty fancy")

and to think that I saw it..

(not an overheard, but an overseen):

Guy in a truck with trailer, backing quickly around the parking lot of a gas station (and around the pumps, as well) while on a cell phone and smoking.

Words to live by...

"If you have to swallow a frog, don't look at the frog too long.
If you have to swallow two frogs, swallow the biggest one first."

Just wait for the third movie - Stupidman, starring you!

Guy in movie store: Hey, have you seen Weatherman?
Movie stocking girl: I rented it, but never watched it.
Guy in movie store: I hear it's a sequel to Anchorman, is that true?

Population Control

Guy reading name of a man that sounds rather hick (in a hick voice): Come on man, do the world a favor, have your tubes tied! And stop breathing...

Edit: (it is currently under debate whether the last word was actually "breeding" or "breathing". Each are funny.)

In the zoo they are by the polar bears...

A mother is talking to her teenage daughters: He told you what? Well, that is just not true. A snagglepuss is actually, like, a cousin or something to the platapus. It's in there somewhere, anyway.

Sickness

Guy: My sinuses aren't doing so well today. Maybe it's because I puked in them earlier.

While watching the Rolling Stones' Superbowl Half-time show:

"This looks like that last Johnny Depp movie... The Corpse Bride."

Inventing new foods

-why are the onions out?
-for my BLT
-So, you had a Bolt?