Something New in the Neighborhood

I was driving through town and noticed something different among the usual "house for sale" and "XYZ Construction" yard signs.


Rent
a
Redneck
###-####

Reasons to shop

Girl at the mall talking to her boyfriend who is shopping watches: I'm gonna go look at earrings.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girl: 'cause I'm a ho.

house, home, or a good front?

Woman on cell: Did you go by the duplex by the lake? It looks great from the outside, who knows what it looks like inside, but that's not what matters anyway, is it?

But what is he?

Prince is like the shortest man ever. Actually, he's the shortest attractive man... That wears make up.... and isn't gay. Yeah. Prince has got to be the shortest, attractive man that wears make up and isn't gay. But all the drag queens seem to imitate him, anyway. But they'll never admit it. Because he's not gay. And they are.

If I Hadn't Seen It with My Own Two Eyes...

I'm buying some groceries. The cashier is Sudanese. Sudanese.

(waiting until you get the appropriate mental image)


His name tag reads...



(are you ready for this?)



...Albino.

(Would I lie to you?)

The Birds and the Bees

Woman on cell phone: Did you hear that Sally is pregnant?
(listens while the caller talks)
uhh... sperm!

OBSERVED in the Flyover Zone...

A car pulled out in front of us last night, heading in the same direction we were going. The car continually weaved from side to side, often crossing over the center line on the two-lane highway, while the driver could be seen waving both of her hands all about, obviously talking very excitedly to her passenger, and seldom bothering to look forward. All oncoming traffic began pulling off onto the shoulder as a speeding Highway Patrol car approached with lights flashing and siren blaring, but the weaving driver in front of us didn't notice it until the last moments, finally pulling back across the center line and onto the shoulder. As soon as it was possible, we passed her, to avoid being forced into the accident she seemed inevitably heading for. As we passed her car, we could see that the driver was clearly not looking at the road ahead, and that she and her passenger were still engaged in their rapid-fire conversation -- in sign language.

Must not have had a mother

There's just something about brussel sprouts that just sounds scary.

Bumper stickers...

bumper sticker proudly proclaiming:

treehugger

dirt worshipper