Are We Supposed to Be Surprised by This?

Headline:
"Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police"

Serenity and.... Violence?

In Other News...
The young man told police that he was stabbed at the Serenity Salon.

Names Mean Things, Too

I saw a little boy in a store grab a toy rifle and begin *shooting* it everywhere, at everything and everyone. His Mom said, "Hunter, stop that!"

I'm thinking that if she *really* didn't want her kid shooting guns all the time, she probably shouldn't have named him HUNTER in the first place.

Not Even in Munchkin Land

Weather-babe on a national morning "news" show: "They've got 17 feet of snow on the ground -- 17 feet! That's like the equivalent of a 7-story building!!!"

Worried About the State of Education Today?

While discussing how parents can effectively help children with homework, the teacher replied: "Well, we give 'em CD's to learn 'em the stuff."

Halloween Brings Them ALL Out!

Little guy, a couple of aisles over from me at Walmart, kept singing out.
"Buttmaaaaaaan! Buttmaaaaaaaan!" But then, it IS Halloween, so maybe I should have checked to see if he was wearing a superhero costume. Perhaps Alfred was pushing him & Robin in the cart. However, I didn't hear the Butt-Phone ringing or notice any Butt-Signal shining in the sky.

On a TV Home Improvement Show...

"...finishing the basement is like creating a whole new level for a home..."

This is true! Because very few basements are found on the main floor! Even fewer are located upstairs!!

Where???

"...the stabbing occurred at the Hang-Over Bar..."

Need I say more?

Checking the Calendar...

I got a bill in the mail with a due date of 2/30/2010. Does that mean I don't have to pay it???

Do You Even Know the Meaning of That Word?

"Minorities are outnumbered in this town!"

On the nightly news...

"Reality can happen to anybody."

Overheard in Chicago

On a trolley:
Bus driver's radio: The guy who exposed himself to me earlier is back, and trying to force his way onto the bus system.

Guy at art museum trying to impress his equally dumb girlfriend: They created chain mail so that when they were swimming with sharks they would be safe because the shark's teeth cannot penetrate the chain mail.

Girl at outdoor mall, coming out of claire's with a plastic crown on her head: I can't take my bag of magic with me to the prom!

Random Quote from Conversation

In the most rediculous episode of Buffy...

Registering

Steven! We should go register together.

Steven: For what?

We could register for things like garlic presses.

Steven: Who uses a garlic press?

No one, that's the point, we can return it for the cash!

'Tis the season for all things creepy...

Hanging from the rear view mirror in a pick-up truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot today was what appeared to be an animal skull, jaw opened wide as though about to take a large bite out of the steering wheel. The skull must have been from a long-snouted dog and looked eerily authentic, except for the odd fur piece attached to the top and draping down its back. Yes, your mental image is correct: dog skull with mullet.

Trick or treat.

Customer walking by on cell phone:

"...and then she says, 'Oh, we got these in, too!' and holds up one of those cats with the feather duster and apron."

Remind me not to shop in her store.

Overheard by a Friend

Yesterday at work (Kmart), I heard the funniest announcement:

"Attention, Kmart shoppers. Would the customer who parked their blue Taurus in our cart corral, please move your car, so we can get the carts out?!"

(Thanks to MichelleD from the WAH board)

Girl sipping her Caribou Coffee:

"I'm enjoying my cup of yuppiehood."

Girl visiting Minneapolis/St. Paul:

"I love this town. It's like going down Mulberry Street!"

Homeschool T-shirts

I found these great t-shirt slogans for homeschoolers, and I just have to share them:

My mom is my teacher --
Forget the apple, bring CHOCOLATE!

Yes, I have school today.
I am homeschooled.
Welcome to my classroom.

Warning: unsocialized homeschooler
Prepare for independent thinking

I think, therefore I homeschool.

My homeschooled kid might consider your kid for an entry-level position.

I've been to public school...
It's why I homeschool.

Very social and homeschooled
Who would have thought?

The last thing I need is what YOU call socialization.

Yes, I'm a homeschooler.
(But I'll try to use small words so you don't get confused.)

Socialization is overrated

Homeschoolers on board
We brake for field trips

I [heart] my sheltered children

There are no bullies at recess;
we homeschool!

Homeschoolers have class everywhere

Home drooler [on baby shirt]

Future Homeschooler [on baby/toddler shirt]

I am homeschooled, therefore I think.

My homeschooled child is smarter than YOU are!

The world is my classroom!

Sit... Stay... Good Kid.
(Another lesson brought to you by the Public Schools)

Class begins promptly at NOON

By the time I die or my student goes off to college (which ever comes first) I will have uttered trillions of words. Yes, I homeschool.

Not a denim jumper

When it comes to school, there's no place like home.

My mom homeschools me because she doesn't want me to scare the teachers.

Militant Homeschooler

In a class of my own

Dad is my teacher -- save the apple and bring COFFEE

Everything I need to know in life, I've learned by teaching homeschool.

Homeschool Schedule
1. Wake up
2. Start learning

Born to be homeschooled [on baby shirt]

Football

Boyfriend watching the Packers (playing the Dolphins) with my teddy bear: That's right we eat dolphins in our tuna! We don't like dolphin-safe tuna.

Parenting and Privileges

Overheard at an Art Fair --

Girl, approximately 8-10 years old, was talking to Dad. She was facing away from me, so I could only hear Dad's responses to her. She seemed to be hungry, but reluctant to eat the few snack foods stashed behind their booth.

Dad, in giving her permission to walk to the nearby food tents and purchase anything that suited her palate, says: "Ariana, you're not in Italy any more. You're with Fun Daddy!"

Check please!

The Travel Channel on worlds greatest log cabins: "built with materials including reclaimed fur from bats, this spacious living room..."

Guy: Question for ya, if the world was ending, in like a matter of hours, because, you know, the end of the world was coming...

Redefining "whole" foods

Mother: "Did you cut up the walnuts in these brownies? I just tried to cut a brownie, and the knife detoured around a large nut!"
Daughter: "Of course I didn't cut the walnuts. You can't taste them if the pieces are too small. And besides, I'm trying to eat more whole foods!" (wink wink)